She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
