lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
