yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
