When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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