well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
