i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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