another moral hangover. fuck.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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