She's JV to your varsity
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
