Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
