Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
