OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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