Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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