just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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