I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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