last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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