Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize