I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
