I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize