why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
