I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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