thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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