i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ok first of all what the fuck
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
