Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
