I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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