My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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