Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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