I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize