you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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