I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
