It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
