miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
