I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
