dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i think im in europe. pls send help
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
