I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's always time for handjobs
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Drake has all the answers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize