the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I smell stomach acid.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
