Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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