S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
