my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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