i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
