Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
