I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
