I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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