if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
