giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
