from now on my penis is your penis
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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