We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
