wanna go halves on a baby?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize