apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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