I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
