i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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