girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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