I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
