I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
