If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love accidental penises.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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