he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize