her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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