He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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