i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
