wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
