i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
