I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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