Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
