halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
