I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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