next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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