she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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